Harriette Cole: I threw myself into planning our parents’ party, and this is what I got

DEAR HARRIETTE I m tired of being the only planner in my family Related Articles Harriette Cole My son won t forgive me for being a mama bear Harriette Cole I m on a new path but my boyfriend wants the old me Harriette Cole He s putting my photos online under his name Harriette Cole I don t want my book club to think I m uptight Harriette Cole My friend ignored my birthday wishes and the party was awful All family events paperwork and major decisions fall to me despite having two older siblings My parents th anniversary just went by and six months prior my siblings and I discussed throwing them a well-deserved celebration with all our friends and family As the big day approached and I realized my siblings were dragging their feet I began sending out invites and reaching out to vendors As I began to secure certain things I d write to my siblings asking how they could help and when they were available Sometimes my messages would go unanswered or they d say they d let me know soon and not follow up at all I ended up planning it all alone On the day of the party my brother amazed described me he knew I didn t need any help because I m so great at this My hypercritical sister kept asking about small details that she didn t like or that I had missed totally Either way I didn t like it Why can t I rely on my siblings What am I doing that makes them view me as the safety net Family Planner DEAR FAMILY PLANNER You are taking action and proving to them that you won t drop the ball For the next activity assign them specific tasks rather than asking them loosely what they will do Yes it will mean that you are still the organizer but at least this way you may get selected help in executing a plan Give them deadlines and schedule required weekly meetings to review progress By guiding them through the process you will be showing them how to take selected of the load off of you in the future DEAR HARRIETTE My best friend and I have shifted from talking and texting majority days to interacting only via social media It didn t happen overnight but at specific point I felt as though I was dependably initiating communication I was in a tough season of late and when I didn t have it in me to call or text loved ones I realized I didn t hear from her Since then our friendship has felt distant at least to me She comments on my social posts regularly but that feels superficial Maybe she doesn t realize or care about the shift in our dynamic but I feel like our friendship has utterly faded Now I wonder was our friendship even real Internet Friend Related Articles Dear Abby If I answer truthfully to what s new they start crying Asking Eric Our co-worker called us stingy for not funding her honeymoon Dear Abby People who knew me before are understandably nervous around me Asking Eric My husband says I m being too dramatic about the dog who hurt me Harriette Cole My son won t forgive me for being a mama bear DEAR INTERNET FRIEND In your evaluation of your friendship what did you like about being close to this person and what didn t quite work Could you have missed signs that you weren t as close as you thought What do you want from this friendship now It could be that your friendship has only changed over time or you may have unfailingly been more committed than her Either way now is the time for you to decide if you want to rekindle the closeness you once treasured or acknowledge it for what it is and move on Surely you don t expect a best friend to be someone you connect with on social media only Act accordingly Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO