Harriette Cole: My son won’t forgive me for being a mama bear

DEAR HARRIETTE I think my son may be harboring certain resentment toward me Related Articles Harriette Cole I m on a new path but my boyfriend wants the old me Harriette Cole He s putting my photos online under his name Harriette Cole I don t want my book club to think I m uptight Harriette Cole My friend ignored my birthday wishes and the party was awful Harriette Cole My friends say I should act unimpressed by the men I date We have a strained relationship and even though I want us to be closer the distance seems intentional on his end If I try asking questions he gets defensive or gives short responses only and sometimes it turns into an argument or disagreement On more than one occasion he s referenced times in the past where I might ve overstepped a boundary spoken up on his behalf or been overbearing How can I move forward with my son if he won t forgive me for the past I wish he could realize that those things I did were just a mama bear looking out for her cub Boy Mom DEAR BOY MOM Ask your son if the two of you can have a meeting where he shares all of his memories and concerns about your relationship Ask him to let it all out so that you can hear whatever is on his heart Do your best not to interrupt him Clearly things have occurred that have hurt his feelings He necessities to be able to say them all without backlash from you Apologize for whatever he mentions Let him know that you never meant to hurt his feelings and that what you did was your way of being his mom and trying to protect him Admit that you know you aren t perfect and that you are sorry if anything you did whether you continue to think it was justified hurt him Ask him if he is willing to put the past aside and work to build a new relationship with you now Remind him that you love him and want nothing more than to be close to him Be client and ready to take this next step together Be mindful of not taking over Become a good listener DEAR HARRIETTE I have a close friend who has been out of work for two years I have helped him as much as I can including fronting him rent money so that he doesn t go homeless and giving him carfare to go to job interviews I love him and want to patronage him but so far he hasn t gotten a job I have to endorsement my family I can t take on his financial burdens much longer How do I address this with someone who is obviously in dire need Part of me can t help but feel that I m enabling him Yes it s hard to find work but he knows I m not going to let him be out on the streets Broken Lifeline Related Articles Dear Abby The other grandparents forgot about the gift Should we try to fix things Asking Eric This is the secret phrase to use if you can t understand a help center rep Harriette Cole I m on a new path but my boyfriend wants the old me Miss Manners I sought to refuse my drink after seeing what the flight attendant did Dear Abby My friend s bad news hit me so hard DEAR BROKEN LIFELINE Sit down with your friend and give him a timeline Express how much you love him and want to have his back as you have had for the past two years but you can no longer promotion him financially Suggest that he look at social services to get short-term executive patronage so he can buy food and keep his home Give him a deadline at which point you can no longer give him money This is tough I know but he has to figure out his own life Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO