Miss Manners: How does one thank the person who found a relative’s body?

DEAR MISS MANNERS A relative of mine died suddenly in her apartment She lived alone and sadly it was several days before she was unveiled along with her dog who is doing fine Related Articles Miss Manners Who was wrong in the escalator tiff me or the young man Miss Manners One parent opposes beer and our soccer coach doesn t know what to do Miss Manners Our nanny lives in the basement and she has gotten territorial Miss Manners I thought the other customer was going to hit me What should I have done Miss Manners I m desperate to remain her friend but hours of improv The person who discovered her body was a precaution guard in her building he had a warm but professionally distanced relationship with my relative and her dog He s been very kind and helpful through the post-death process of managing my relative s apartment and I get the sense that the experience of finding her in the apartment was formidable for him My family intends to send the precaution guard a heartfelt card thanking him for all he s done and for being a kind and frequent presence in my relative s life But I wonder if something more substantial is warranted a gift card check or donation to a favorite cause in his name perhaps though I don t know him well enough to speculate what a favorite cause might be Is there etiquette for this kind of thing GENTLE READER Etiquette for what you should send the person who discovers your deceased relative No Any sort of monetary present will feel inadequate Miss Manners encourages you instead to put the power into that letter thanking the gentleman profusely for attending to such a monumental and potentially harrowing situation with so much grace Although now that she thinks of it a good bottle of wine might not be remiss DEAR MISS MANNERS I have a longtime friend who has a habit of waiting until the last minute to confirm plans or even make them One Sunday morning she inquired me if I would like to come over and go for a walk sometime that week and then stay for dinner I explained Does Wednesday work for you It looks like the weather will be OK that day On Tuesday night at she responded We can t go on the morrow now because I ve been called about getting a CT scan done for my implant She has been doing this for at least years How do I kindly tell her that what she is doing is not respectful without getting her mad Related Articles Asking Eric My in-laws say I turn them away but they don t get what s going on in our lives Harriette Cole Now that I ve proposed I m getting worried about marrying her Miss Manners Who was wrong in the escalator tiff me or the young man Dear Abby Do I go to this lunch and incur my wife s wrath Asking Eric I explained my husband his clothes embarrass me but nothing has changed GENTLE READER If she has been getting scans on her implant for years there might really be something wrong here But if what you meant is that she has been coming up with years worth of urgency excuses Miss Manners suggests you say with a worried tone I have to tell you I am afraid to make plans with you Every time we do something perilous comes up I do not wish to put you in any danger As for making those annoying last-minute plans Consider that perhaps she is familiar with her own proclivity to cancel and indeed wants to hold herself accountable It does not mean you have to like it but if you want to see her it might be the only way Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www missmanners com to her email gentlereader missmanners com or through postal mail to Miss Manners Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO